Thursday, April 2, 2009

T-plus 2d 11h. Headaches suck. Suck. SUCK.

I sit in my bed in a darkened room crying my eyes out waiting for the Zanex (sleeping pills) to kick in. My routine headache has completely screwed up the entire day for me. I lost my appetite. I couldn't have taken in more than 600 calories and I know I need to be eating a lot (i.e. I had a lot yesterday) but I couldn't force it down me. One side effect with my headaches is I end up with nausea, and the gatekeeper gets a lot more strict.

The one big consolation for me is I can't sink any lower than tonight. I tried to talk to Dr. Meltzer's wednesday patient in the next room and I couldn't after awhile. I was just too knocked out. I feel like shit even now but for whatever reason, typing is just second nature to me, so I can at least blog about it real time.

The way headaches progress for me is pretty simple. Unmedicated it goes:
1. Starts off with discomfort.
2. Loss of appetite often creeps in before I realize I have the headache. Today it did. I wasted most of breakfast, skipped lunch, and only had a small portion of dinner. I slipped in an Ensure shake but that's about it. Loss of appetite makes it hard for me to down liquids too, and I know I need to keep the toxin% in my urine low. I hope I don't get a urinary tract infection from this.
If I take medication at this step I can usually get some of my appetite back but I had to get the OK from Dr. Meltzer first.
3. Start to get mildly disoriented. This symptom sticks around whether or not I take something for it. I get a bit on the klutzy side but it has the added benefit of reducing my inhibitions. And because catheter games started today, it was a bit on the messy side all day. Sigh...
4. My motor skills start going south hours into the headache. I don't feel like moving much anymore and I have to take it slow whether or not I'm recovering from SRS.
5. Eventually I completely succumb to the headache more or less and at this point I have to sleep it off, which is what I'm doing now. My brain has officially told me "fuck you" and is more or less putty. I medicated it at stage 4 but that was way too late. The pain's gone but I'm just out of it.

Not to mention my judgment goes south. Stumpy McCupid the anatomically incorrect vagina is officially scaring the crap out of me. I know it looks normal for day 2 and I know it'll eventually heal properly, but with all this headache stuff going wrong my fear is getting the best of me.

This day just needs to end. :(

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