Saturday, February 28, 2009

Dilation or Reality Sucks

Don't let the title fool you, I'm not here to whine about how annoying and time consuming dilation will be. I had looked this all up before I even started taking hormones, though I'd forgotten the details over the years. I decided to give myself a refresher recently. I started somewhere close to here, or the links within:
http://wiki.susans.org/index.php/Vaginal_dilation

Which leads me to the Reality Sucks part.
"This is due to the body treating the vagina as a wound [...]"
Ouch. It's pointed, but you can't really criticize it. It's reality. Naive pre-ops like myself (for the next 31 days) have a foolish sense of utopianism where everything will be perfect in the end, aside from the dead obvious issues that result from not having ovaries. For everything else, we cover our ears and yell LALALALALALALA as if that'll make them go away. Now that it's all about to happen, I can no longer do that. It's not to say I'm not absolutely looking forward to it still, but it's kind of like getting a world record and then someone putting an asterisk next to it.

So back to the dilation part, isn't it strange how "Dilation" is a buzzword to pre-ops? You see it everywhere and yet it's never actually explained unless you dig deep. Well I'm going to make it meaningful to any preops reading here right now, and then a month and a half later I'm going to revise it and make it WAY more meaningful, having the real experience behind me. But for now, I gather it to be:
1. Start with the smallest stent that fits, but not too easily.
2. Place it inside the "gaping wound" :P slowly.
3. Twist it around gently, I'm not sure though if you actually leave it stationary for a bit after though. (assuming no) Your scientific goal is to get tissue microtears, similar to methods used for little people to elongate their limbs during childhood and adolescence though not as extreme, promoting more tissue growth in its place. I'm not sure how one would personally determine this.
4. Take out, repeat, and if feeling comfortable enough, move up a size.

So there's my "hope everyone's telling me the right thing" version.

Gaping wounds have made me realize why the level of cynicism is high in our community. As a perfectionist, I certainly won't be an exception. I'll be mocking that well into my 70's if I make it that far. In the last year or so, I've met a number of people who have broken down the facade of utopianism and false perfection that's rampant in our community which only gives those of us approaching the end of the road a "santa claus isn't real" type syndrome.

Oh well, in some ways it might be better that I couldn't afford this as a teenager when I started HRT, seeing how many of life's other facades break down around that time. But most every other way is screaming at those "some ways" phrases like "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND??"

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Paid in full

So I thought I had everything effectively paid in full (minus the "paid" part, it was still in my bank account) by early January. I recently decided to go with the silicone instead of the saline. I figured the lifetime MRI requirement was something I could meet, but the wrinkling possibility of saline, which is something around 17%, is what pushed me over the edge. Silicone is more expensive, a little over $1200 more expensive. Ouch. Not sure if it's Mentor(manufacturer of both types of implants), the FDA, or both that tack it on.

Then I discovered, and I WAS warned of this but didn't expect it to be tacked on until closer to when I'd be going under the knife, that the hospital costs shot up over $800 this year. Double ouch. Glad I planned for this. FFS patients got hit harder, so it seems like the hospital tiers these procedures based on how "optional" they see them, and milk their patrons accordingly.

I can afford it, but if I couldn't, I'd be here ranting "OPTIONAL?!?!?" and about how I don't know if I could go another year without this. I've been in celebate stealth limbo for many years with the wrong parts and a flat chest. My sanity has obviously waned with that. I'm so ridiculously separated from the rest of society in many regards that I only hope I can recover once this ball and chain is hacked off.

I know there's other options, for surgery...cheaper surgeons, Thailand, etc...but I have to get this all done with the best. The rest of my life could go very very wrong if it's not done properly and with the latest procedures.

Anyway, I'm typing this up now with few digits in my bank account and a cashier's check travelling expediently to Scottsdale. I'm in a better mood today than I've been in a long time. :)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

New blog!

So here's the deal. At the time of this posting I am a late 20-something pre-op transsexual who's preparing to see Dr. Toby Meltzer on March 31st for breast augmentation (silicone) and vaginoplasty. Since this is really uncommon and stuff, I'm writing this blog to share my experiences, and immediately after surgery, it'll be an unfiltered stream of consciousness straight from the hospital bed, thanks to the wonders of free WiFi and my laptop. My goal with this blog is to give others an idea of what the experience is like for someone in my demographic.

Also it'll be a case study of how well someone can type hopped up on painkillers.